Next Quershion… With Theron

2 Apr

The previous interviews in my “Quershions” series have all been with people who are involved in the music industry on the local level, dealing, for the most part with musicians and bands who are local to DFW. This time, I was able to get some very interesting answers from Theron, who is kind of a big deal. Really. He is. I promise. He happens to live in the DFW area, and I happen to know him, so I was fortunate that he agreed to answer these questions.

Most of them.

Bands, there is some VERY good information in his answers, so look past what you might think to be an attitude and learn something, y’all!

What, exactly, is your job title, aside from The Fantabulously Spectacular Theron?

Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s not a word.

And I don’t technically have a “job”, but the services I offer my clients are; Promoter Representation, Production Management & Concert Audio.

But usually not at the same time, unless you have shit tons of cash. I also offer consultations and direction in Artist Development,

securing Management & Representation Agreements and contracting with National Agents.

What was your first concert?

Judas Priest

Best concert?

All of them because they’re all concerts. Doesn’t matter. They’re all incredible at this point.

That, and they all pay really well. My favorite is when I look up and there are thousands of

people that would pay lots of money to be standing where I am while

I’m being paid lots of money to stand there. The universe is an amazing “place.”

Worst concert?

No idea but probably something local, years ago. God I have a hard time listening to local talent (or complete and total lack there of).

I’m not saying there are no good local bands, I just haven’t seen one in a loooong time.

Most local bands are local because they’re not very good. If they were good, they wouldn’t be local. Get it?

But at the same time, extremely relevant perception is. And it takes more than being good to rise above.

The problem with getting a local band off the ground is that there are musicians running the business.

The ones smart enough to figure out how to do it aren’t any good so they go nowhere.

And the ones that are good enough to go somewhere aren’t smart enough to get it off the ground. It’s a left brain/right brain thing.

Management is so important to any business. Don’t bullshit yourself. If you’re in a local band and you say you’re doing it just for the music

And you don’t want to do it for money you’re a fucking liar. Bullshit. You’re only saying that because you can’t make any money at it.

Not that you can’t, but that you aren’t’. You can. I promise. There are billions of dollars made in music every year. It’s not as difficult as you’re making it.

Sorry, what was the questions? Never mind. Next question.

Who are some of your favorite bands?

TOOL, The Better Death, Brett Dennen,  Misfits, The Features, Sublime, Joshua James, NWA, Ween, Ratatat, Slayer & Patsy Cline.

Do you have any musical talents? Instruments? Singing? Do you play the spoons?

I can fuck it up pretty good on an oboe. And I’m bad ass on a celeste, too. I also play the harp, but not very well.

How long have you been active in the music industry?

Professionally, 17 years this month.

What is the worst thing you have ever done to someone you didn’t like?

I rubbed a mic on my balls before I gave it to Frank Caliendo for a stand up set. It made me laugh..

It’s not that I didn’t like the guy, I had never heard of him, but my buddy Dustin was at FOH and he didn’t like him. So…

That, and I killed a guy with a broken broom handle once, but he was being a total douche.

What prompted you to get involved in music?

The Music.

What prompted you to get involved with the business side of things?

The Money.

Do you have any advice for anyone trying to “make it” in music?

My only advise would be the same to all in existence; il segreto.

That- and never forget; it’s not the Music Friendship…

How many shows would you say you have seen?

I average about 3 events a week. Each event has between 1 and 20 performances.

Let’s average low at about 4. That’s 12 a week. 52 weeks in a year, that’s around 625 a year

for the past 17 years, so… just over 10,000.

What was the best show you ever put together?

I don’t technically “put shows together”, that’s a promoter. I cause events to function correctly.

That kind of sounds like I’m being a dick, but that’s probably because I’m kind of a dick.

Next question.

The worst?

Something local I’m sure.

Next question.

What is one thing you wish would change about the music industry?

If it wasn’t for the musicians and the cables, this business would be great.

What is one thing you hope NEVER changes?

The fact that people can’t download a live performance. That I like.

Do you like sushi?

Not so much. If sushi were a street taco from Fuel City I would like sushi. But it is not.

What do you do with what little spare time you have outside of work?

I actually have a good amount of free time, because; I work about three days a week and I don’t watch TV or play video games,

I don’t like sports, I don’t network socially and I don’t have plants or pets or a girlfriend.

I like to spend time with various ladies and make my money make money. Nothing makes money like money.

Other than the Ladies and Money, I like guns. Lots of guns.

Do you have any upcoming shows you want to, as we say at Sawed-Off Productions, WHORE out???

Nope. Don’t come out. See if I give a fuck.

Next question.

Are you aware that sometimes you are absolutely hilarious?

I am. Next question.

If you had a super power, what would it be?

I’d like an alternate fuel source for this body. Maybe something solar.

I’m irritated at the frequency of never ending requirements of nutrients and liquids.

Such a seemingly consistant waste of time. These cells can’t possibly be this inefficient.

Next question.

Is there anything else you would like to tell us?

There is. Look in to my eyes and listen very closely to what I’m about to tell you.

1. Do, or do not. There is no try.

2. Grasp fully the difference between Believing and Understanding.

3. Understand the Law of Attraction.

Boxers or briefs? Boxer briefs? Boy shorts?

This interview is over.

I’m not giving the option to contact Theron like I have everyone else I have interviewed, because I’m pretty sure that he has no desire to talk to anyone. Also, he has guns. Lots of them. Now, before anyone gets all pissed off, go back and re-read what you think might have hurt your feelers. Then learn from it. Now, go be awesome.

2 Responses to “Next Quershion… With Theron”

  1. Brandon April 8, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

    Being an extremely long time friend of “Thermun Munster”… I can say, without a doubt, this conversation or interview is completely based in reality. Theron is a successful man-boy who doesn’t look back… even when backing up. It’s great to see that his talent, skill and homosexuality is finally being noticed and celebrated!

  2. David C. April 8, 2012 at 6:59 pm #

    Long time friend of T and love this guy very much. I am not surprised at all that he is doing well. He has always been a driven individual thinker. And I can confirm that this is a genuine interview and sighting of T because of the dialogue. Nobody lays it down like Theron. Love you and miss you brother. All the best. David C. In PA

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