Musicians Are Dogs…

6 Nov

…And Bitches Be Crazy.

Ladies, and male musicians, please read on before you get angry.

*disclaimer* This is a Satirical Post.

Music has been a HUGE part of my life from day one. I’ve been playing piano for over twenty years and in the past few years, music and musicians have been an enormous part of my job. Many of my dearest friends (and most of my exes) are musicians in gigging bands. The little bits of wisdom that follow are a compilation of things I have learned over the years. Enjoy.

Musicians Are Dogs.

It’s true. For the most part, musicians are impetuous, free-spirited individuals who want to share their, ah, gifts with the entire female population of the planet. Ladies, you are special. Unfortunately, everyone else is as well, and this is the number one rule of thumb to keep in mind when you decide that you absolutely MUST find out what that special guy is like off stage.

The Band Comes First. 

This is non-negotiable. The worst thing you can do is make an attempt at being more important. Do not ask your significant other or friend to cancel shows or not go to practice because you want “quality time.” I have known musicians in the past who fell into this trap and those bands suffered. A musician without a band or anyone to jam with will make you a LOT more miserable than you are sitting at home for a few hours per week.

Do NOT Get Involved With The Band.

This cannot be stressed enough. A band is a business (albeit a fun one) and band business should be handled by band members, as opposed to getting someone involved who has an emotional investment to one person and not the whole band. I have fallen into this trap in the past and it does not end well.

Do NOT Get Attached. 

Seriously. This always ends poorly as well. Refer back to rule #1 for the reason why.

JUST HAVE FUN.

This is probably the best advice I have for anyone in any situation. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy the music. Enjoy musicians. Enjoy the atmosphere. Just have fun with it and take everything with a grain of salt. You’ll thank me later.

Bitches Be Crazy.

In the event that you happen to have discarded all my wonderful advice above, this one is of paramount importance. Women really are crazy, especially the OTHER women who happen to not be YOU. Do not take it personally when some chick appears out of nowhere and tries to take ownership of “your” man. It will happen. Laugh it off.

You’re Welcome.

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