For the last few years, the second week of March generally includes quite a bit of introspection and soul-searching. As of this past Sunday, I’ve been ‘clean’ for 6 years. That’s a very long time when I remember days of not thinking I could make it 6 hours without a fix.
I’ve come a long, long way, but I would not have been able to have done any of it by myself. I have had a lot of set backs and I have made a lot of mistakes, but things are finally looking up in the right direction.
I have had a lot of conversations lately with those close to me about people who were once a part of my life and now are not. I’ve been encouraged to let a lot of things go and just let everything be. These people care a lot about me and want to see me happy and successful. I’m ultra lucky like that.
I do, however, still argue that anger is still a very necessary part of my life. It’s taken both those on my side and those who have loudly stood against me to make it through every single day.
I’m beyond fortunate to have people in my life who remain positive influences and who have stood behind decisions I have made, even when they were questionable or unpopular. I’m grateful every day to have friends and family who remind me regularly that I am growing and learning every day and that I really am a good, fun person who is building a good name for herself. Not everyone has the luxury of a personal cheer team and I am ecstatic to have great friends who encourage me daily.
On the flip side, there are always ‘haters’ who have told me, or others around me that I am no good, I won’t make it in the industry in which I have chosen to work, that I would never be a decent bartender, that I would never be able to make it behind the bar sober, that my name has been ruined in the local music scene, that I will never have the connections I ‘could’ have had, I’m nothing but a ‘poser’ and that I wouldn’t make a good promoter or booking agent.
There are days when I wake up and my feet hurt, or I am tired or there are things I would rather do than work or I want to take off on a busy night and go to a show or just sit at home in my pajamas.
On those days, it’s not my awesome group of cheerleaders telling me I CAN who keep me moving, but all of those who have said I CAN’T…
In all honesty, I can’t even say it’s anger that motivates me, I’m actually very thankful for all the people who have tried to stop me… because they are the ones who really keep me on my toes.
So, this one’s for both my cheerleaders and my trolls… Thank you!!!!!!!