Well, I just thought I was stuck.
My mother, it seems, would like me to write her a personal ad.
She’s delusional. Clearly.
She says she wants the same kind of guy I do, just old enough to be my father (bah ha ha).
That being said, my mom, who is a jailer and dispatcher in the tiny little town of Okemah, would like someone who appreciates her love for all music…
She would like to meet someone who’s lots of fun and isn’t irritated by the fact that, at times, she sounds like a 5 year old because she was genetically coded to have a squeaky voice.
She would also like to ensure that whoever this wonderful mystery man is…. he is perfectly okay with her choice of professions, which involves lots of loud music and being in a lot of bars and nightclubs on a regular basis.
She drinks a lot sometimes, but you can too.
Mom likes to go to concerts… Slayer, Marilyn Manson, Van Morrison, CAKE, Iron Maiden, and she really needs someone with whom she can discuss all forms of silliness and who will appreciate her creativity.
She’s not looking to get married tomorrow, but she has a mother who has been pushing her mercilessly for grandchildren for about 10 years now.
She loves Sooner football and needs someone to watch games with. (okay, now that part IS true)
Oh… Wait… That’s not my Mom at all… That would be me. She DID say she was looking for the same kinds of things…
How about I start over?
The truth is…
My Mom is pretty awesome.
She’s not quite as social as I am, but she has been known to attend baseball games and concerts and other fun things.
Her taste in music is a lot less Slayer and a lot more Ellis Paul, Red Dirt Rangers, and Lynyrd Skynyrd.
She pretends to like hockey, but I suspect that she’s more into Sooner Ball.
She does not want, nor would it be feasible for her to have any more children, but if YOU happen to have some, that would take a lot of heat off me.
She does not sound like a small child, but in fact, has a very nice, pleasant voice. She’s mellowed out a lot over having the extraordinary task of raising me and ensuring that I lived to see the age of 30.
Please be nice to her.
From what I understand, she likes motorcycles.
And cowboy hats.
You probably will not find her in a bar any time soon. She also doesn’t drink. She does smoke.
Like My Mom?
Are you old enough to be my Dad?
Send me a message and we’ll see if you’ll do!! (But hurry, before she kills me!!!)